What is the Sikh attitude towards friendship with the opposite gender?
Friendship with the opposite gender is not prohibited. However, to go beyond the lines of innocent friendship would be contrary to Gurmat.
เจชเจฐ เจคเฉเจฐเจฟเจ
เจฐเฉเจชเฉ เจจ เจชเฉเจเฉ เจจเฉเจคเฉเจฐ เฅฅ
"With your eyes, do not even gaze (in a lustful manner) upon the beauty of another."
(Sukhmani Sahib, Ang 274)
เจฆเฉเจเจฟ เจชเจฐเจพเจเจเจ เจเฉฐเจเฉเจเจ เจฎเจพเจตเจพเจ เจญเฉเจฃเจพเจ เจงเฉเจเจ เจเจพเจฃเฉ เฅฅ
"Men should look at the opposite gender as mothers, sisters and daughters, (women should look at the opposite gender as fathers, brothers and sons)."
(Bhฤฤซ Gurdฤs: Vฤr 29/ Paurฤซ 11)
Intimate relationships at any level are harmful โ whether it is physical intimacy or emotional one. Intimacy on any level (physical or emotional) should be restricted to one's husband or wife, who are one's committed life partners. If you send texts, emails or chat to someone on MSN or over the phone and you feel embarrassed and ashamed if someone else reads the text, email or heard the conversation, then that tells you that you shouldn't be doing it. One should remember that God is always watching us and therefore live in the fear & love of God.
Gurbani says:
เจจเจฟเจฎเจ เจเจพเจฎ เจธเฉเจเจฆ เจเจพเจฐเจฃเจฟ เจเฉเจเจฟ เจฆเจฟเจจเจธ เจฆเฉเจเฉ เจชเจพเจตเจนเจฟ เฅฅ
เจเจฐเฉ เจฎเฉเจนเจค เจฐเฉฐเจ เจฎเจพเจฃเจนเจฟ เจซเจฟเจฐเจฟ เจฌเจนเฉเจฐเจฟ เจฌเจนเฉเจฐเจฟ เจชเจเฉเจคเจพเจตเจนเจฟ เฅฅเฉงเฅฅ
"For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days. For an instant, you may savour pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ||1||"
(Ang 405)
When you form a friendship - be it a friendship with the same gender or a platonic one to a member of the opposite gender (or if youโre married think about the relationship that you have with your spouse). They usually have the same foundation which is you sharing something in common with that person which helps the relationship flourish. It could be having the same lame sense of humour, your passion of eating and burping togetherโฆwhatever - its that โsomething in commonโ which lets you form a close relationship.
So if the starting of all three relationships is the same what stops a platonic friendship turning into romance? After all itโs based on the same ingredients โ youโll grow to admire, depend and trust each other โ something you would also hope to share with your prospective partner. Itโs so easy for it to turn into romance that itโs best not to dwell on it in the first place. Prevention is better than heartache after all.
เจนเฉ เจเจพเจฎเฉฐ เจจเจฐเจ เจฌเจฟเจธเฉเจฐเจพเจฎเฉฐ เจฌเจนเฉ เจเฉเจจเฉ เจญเฉเจฐเจฎเจพเจตเจฃเจน เฅฅ
เจเจฟเจค เจนเจฐเจฃเฉฐ เจคเฉเจฐเฉ เจฒเฉเจ เจเฉฐเจฎเฉเจฏเฉเจฏเฉฐ เจเจช เจคเจช เจธเฉเจฒ เจฌเจฟเจฆเจพเจฐเจฃเจน เฅฅ
เจ
เจฒเจช เจธเฉเจ เจ
เจตเจฟเจค เจเฉฐเจเจฒ เจเจ เจจเฉเจ เจธเจฎเจพเจตเจฃเจน เฅฅ
เจคเจต เจญเฉ เจฌเจฟเจฎเฉเฉฐเจเจฟเจค เจธเจพเจง เจธเฉฐเจเจฎ เจเจ เจจเจพเจจเจ เจจเจพเจฐเจพเจเจฃเจน เฅฅเฉชเฉฌเฅฅ
"O sexual desire, you lead the mortals to hell; you make them wander in reincarnation through countless species. You cheat the consciousness, and pervade the three worlds. You destroy meditation, penance and virtue. But you give only shallow pleasure, while you make the mortals weak and unsteady; you pervade the high and the low. Your fear is dispelled in the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, O Nanak, through the Protection and Support of the Lord. ||46||"
(Ang 1358)
According to Sikh Rehit Maryada it is a cardinal sin, known as Bajjar Kurehit, to have an physical intimate relationship before marriage.
เจ
เจจเฉฐเจฆ เจฌเจฟเจตเจพเจน เจคเฉ เจญเฉเจเจคเฉ เจชเจฐ เจเฉ เจเฉเจ เฅฅ เจธเฉเจฃ เจธเจฟเจเจพ เจเฉเจฐ เจเจฟเจน เจฅเฉฑเจเฉ เจฎเฉเจฐเจพ เจธเจฟเจ เจจ เจธเฉเจ เฅฅเฉจเฉซเฅฅ
"Without having Anand Karaj those who have sexual relationships. Listen O' Sikh the Guru states, he is not my Sikh."
(10th Guru - Muktnama)